Caught in the Middle
by daffodil431
Summary: Red finds himself stuck between Green and Blue when they both complain to him about the other. Annoyed, Red decides to take matters into his own hands! Oldrivalshipping with a dash of Specialshipping!


"She's just too much to handle," Green grumbled to Red as the two played chess, "She's always sneaking around and stealing my things."

Red, wisely, didn't respond and chose to let Green continue ranting.

"She's just so flirty and obnoxious!" He kept going, moving his piece absently, "She seems more excited about a new sale or something about clothes than she is about anything else in life! And she's got seriously questionable moral standards."

Red propped his head up on his fist and looked up at Green, his eyebrows raised.

"And now look!" Green continued, running a hand through his hair, "She's got me ranting! Unbelievable. You know, Red," he said, glaring into the distance, "If I never see her again, it'll be too soon."

Green fell silent for a while and Red looked up hopefully, thinking that his friend was done. There was a blissful silence for about a minute, and then Green started up again.

"But that's never going to happen," he scowled, "Because that Pesky Woman seems to follow me around everywhere! She just appears all the time!"

Red groaned inwardly and directed his attention back to the chess game.

* * *

"It's just so hard to work with him," Blue explained as they walked through Viridian forest together, "He's like a rock! In fact, rocks probably have more feelings than he does." She swatted angrily at a hanging leaf and glared at the ground.

Red, his arms full of berries, didn't respond.

"I feel bad for the girl who ends up with _him_," Blue crossed her arms, "She'd have to put up with having an emotionless _ass_ for a boyfriend."

Although Red did agree that his best friend was slightly reserved with his emotions, he decided that nodding was sort of like betraying Green, so he opted to remain silent again. It had worked pretty well for him so far.

"You know what," Blue said decisively, stopping in her tracks and turning to look at Red, "I'm not going to waste any more of my breath on him. There are much better things to talk about." She surveyed the berries in Red's hands. "Do you think we have enough berries for Yellow by now?"

Before Red could respond, she said, "Yeah, this is probably good!" and turned and started to make her way out of the Viridian forest. Red shut his mouth, sighed, and followed her.

* * *

"You'll never believe what she did yesterday," Green fumed as they had a practice battle, "Charizard, use fly!"

"Venusaur, vine whip!" Red called, waiting for Green to explain.

"She blackmailed me!" Green looked furious, "That woman blackmailed me into going to the mall with her! Charizard, flamethrower from above! Dodge that vine whip!"

"Venusaur, intercept with Solar Beam!"

"And she spent the entire time chatting about the most nonsense things," Green went on, his eyes narrowing as he watched the impact of flamethrower verses solar beam, "I'm pretty sure my left ear's lost some of its hearing ability because of her. Charizard, trap it with Fire Spin!"

Red pursed his lips as Venusaur seemed panicked. "Venusaur, we've got to get Charizard down, use Sweet Scent!"

"And then, she wouldn't let go on my arm the entire time!" Green watched as his Charizard struggled to fight the effects of Sweet Scent, "Granted that wasn't too bad, and neither were all those dresses she tried on, but she was just so loud and- and-"he was cut off when he saw that Red was now smirking at him. "That is to say," Green tried to correct, looking panicked, a blush rising on his cheeks, "I mean-"

Red took advantage of both Green's embarrassment and Charizard's immobility and yelled, "Venusaur, use Frenzy Plant!"

And that was the end of the battle. Green recalled his Charizard with a scowl on his face, muttered, "Even when that Obnoxious Woman isn't here, she's messing everything up."

* * *

"Do you know we went to the mall yesterday?" Blue growled, interrupting Red from his *ahem* not stalker-ish staring at Yellow.

The two were sitting under a tree in Pallet with Yellow, who was painting the landscape, seemingly off in her own world. Red managed a curt nod, his face turning slightly red at the thought of Blue finding him staring at Yellow.

"Well, we did go to the mall yesterday," Blue continued, as if she didn't see Red, "And he was just so distant the whole time! You know I had to freaking blackmail him to get him to come? As if it's that horrible to spend some time with me!"

Red sighed and lay down on the grass, staring up at the sky.

"And then, he just never participated in anything!" Blue continued, the tone of her voice changing, "I mean, I tried on like a million dresses, and he never gave me a proper comment on any of them! I mean, it's not like I'm ugly, is it?" She looked to Red as if for confirmation.

Red stared back, unsure as to how to answer, but she took that as an answer.

"Exactly!" she gritted her teeth, "I'm definitely not ugly! I mean, what kind of guy just sits there when an attractive young woman like myself tries on all these amazing dresses in from of him, and doesn't say a word? I mean, how am I supposed to get his attention then? I suppose I could dance around naked and that man wouldn't even have anything to comment."

Red thought maybe, if he tried hard enough, he could telepathically get Aero to come rescue him.

It didn't work.

* * *

"Fine," Green sighed, "Fine, maybe I like her. Maybe." He glared at Red, as if he were daring Red to challenge him.

Red didn't say anything; he only smirked slightly at his best friend.

"But it's no good," Green countered almost immediately, "She's a liability. She's a risk, and I never take risks without thinking properly about it, and this risk is definitely not worth it."

Red raised his eyebrows, the smirk never leaving his face.

"I mean, I don't even know if she's serious about me," Green kept going, a slight blush rising on his face, "Since she just goes around and flirts with everybody. I mean, what kind of a girl is that? Nope, that doesn't work for me."

Red sighed and slumped back in his chair. It didn't look like this was going to get resolved soon.

* * *

"Okay, maybe I do like him," Blue said, in the same challenging tone Green had used before, "But seriously, what's the point? It's not like he likes me or anything."

Red cocked his head, staring at her curiously. They were sitting outside again, enjoying the good weather, when Blue had started in on Green again.

"Don't look at me like that, you know it's true," she said morosely, "I mean, I've given him all sorts of hints. And he's a smart guy; he definitely picked up on them! I guess he's just not interested."

Red opened his mouth, trying to decide whether or not to tell Blue about what Green had told him.

"I should just give up, right?" Blue sighed, "Arceus, I'm pathetic. I mean, what's the big idea, falling in love with someone who's got less emotion than a blade of grass." She plucked a blade of grass and stared at it sadly. "I should just date you," she told it, sounding resigned.

Red shut his mouth. There was no point. They were all crazy.

* * *

"Oh Arceus, there she is," Green groaned, appeared to be annoyed, but his mouth turned upwards slightly, "I told you, she's always following me around."

Red, Green, and Gold were walking around Viridian City when they had spotted Blue coming from the opposite direction.

Red gave him a look. Gold snickered.

"Well, don't you think it's kind of strange that she's always where I am?" Green crossed his arms.

"You!" Blue finally seemed to notice the pair and was stalking towards them, "You! I've got a bone to pick with you, Oak!"

"Ooh," Gold grinned, clapping his hands together, "Which bone will you pick? The knee bone? The hip bone? The funny bone? Oh wait, that's not really a bone. Well, anyways, it doesn't really matter, because Green," Gold leaned towards Blue, wagging his eyebrows, "Green here's got a bone for you, if you know what I mean-"

Gold was cut off when Green grabbed one end of his cue stick, driving the other end into his stomach. As Gold doubled over, wheezing, Green turned to Blue, an almost imperceptible blush on his cheeks. "What do _you_ want?" he asked bluntly.

"That's enough!" Red burst out, startling the other three.

"Red?" Blue asked curiously, sounding a bit concerning.

"I have had it," Red continued, panting, "With you," he pointed his finger at Green, "And you," he moved it so he was pointing at Blue.

"What do you mean?" Green raised his eyebrows. He looked panicked, as if he knew that Red was going to share his secret with the others.

Blue looked panicked as well, and she hurriedly said, "Um, I have no idea what he's talking about okay I'm just going to leave see you!" Green seemed to follow her lead and the two turned sharply and started to walk away from each other.

"Oh, no you don't!" Red declared with a slightly crazed look on his face, "Saur, Vine Whip!"

Red's Venusaur popped out and grabbed both Green and Blue with its vines, bringing them back to the group.

"Hey!" Blue started struggling, "What's the big idea! Red let me down!"

Green opted for the 'threatening' approach instead. He fixed his death glare on Red and said, "Red, if you don't let me down _right now_ you're going to wish that you had never come down from that mountain."

Red ignored them both and continued on the rant that he should have done a week ago when this whole mess started. "Blue," he said, and it was almost scary how calm he sounded, "Blue, Green here is completely in love with you. I know he comes off as a complete jerk-wad sometimes, but that's just kind of his personality. There's no changing it."

The look on Blue's face was almost comical as her cheeks turned bright red. Green turned red as well and looked extremely uncomfortable as he continued glaring at Red.

"Green," Red began, and Blue started struggling even more when she realized what was coming next, "Blue here is completely in love with you as well, so congratulations. I know you think she's loud and obnoxious, but you can't change that about her as well, so get over it. Plus, you should probably treat her a bit nicer and _not_ make her think that you hate her. Plus, Silver'd be out to get you if you did."

Red, satisfied with his speech, gestured to Venusaur, who gently placed the two teens down. Gold was staring at Red with a kind of new, wide-eyed respect.

"That was amazing, Red," Gold gushed, "Do you think you could do Ruby and Sapphire next? They're seriously pissing me off." Gold steered Red down the street chatting about something, so that they could give Green and Blue some alone.

Red turned back as they walked away to see how Green and Blue were faring.

Green and Blue were standing a few feet away from each other, looking anywhere but at the other person. Then, Green sighed and took a few steps towards Blue, holding his hand out and saying something to her. There was a pause, and then Blue beamed at him and threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Green looked seriously taken aback, but he relaxed into the hug, smiling slightly.

Red then turned back, walking away with Gold chattering about Crystal or something. He smiled to himself, pleased with the way things had gone. Partially because two of his closest friends had found happiness in each other.

But mostly because he would never have to hear them complain again.

He would later change his mind about that when both Green and Blue would come complain to him again, only this time about their relationship. But for now, he was happy.


End file.
